Be Congruent in Your Pursuit of Excellence

"The trouble with life isn't that there is no answer, it's that there are so many answers." - Ruth Benedict

We all live in the same world and because we make different models of it, we come into conflict. Two people can look at the same event, hear the same words and make completely different meanings.

From these models and meanings we get the rich plurality of human values, politics, religions, interests and motives. This particular section explores negotiation and meetings to reconcile conflicting interests and some of the ways these are being successfully used in the world of business.

Some of the most important parts of our map are the beliefs and values that shape our lives and give them purpose. They govern what we do and may bring us into conflict with others. Values define what is important to us; conflict starts if we insist that what is important to us should be important to others too.

Sometimes our own values coexist and easily, and we have to make difficult choices. Do I tell a lie for a friend? Should I take the boring job with more money, or the exciting work is poorly paid?

Different parts of us embody different values, followed different interests, have different intentions, and so come into conflict. Our ability to go for an outcome is radically altered by how we reconcile and creatively manage these different parts of ourselves.

It's rare to be able to go wholeheartedly or completely congruently for an outcome, and the larger the outcome, the more parts of ourselves will be drawn in and the more possibility of conflicting interests. Through exploration we'll learn how to resolve some of these internal conflicts.

Internal congruence gives strength and personal power. We are congruent when all our verbal and non-verbal behavior supports our specified outcome. All parts are in harmony, and we have free access to our resources.

Example - small children are nearly always congruent. When they want something they want it with their whole being.

Being in harmony does not mean all the parts are playing the same tune. In an orchestra, the different instruments blend together, the total tune is more than any one instrument could produce on its own and it is the difference between them which gives the music its color, interest and harmony. So when we are congruent, our beliefs, values and interests act together to give us the energy to pursue our aims.

When you make a decision and you are congruent about it, then you know you can proceed with every chance of success. The question becomes, how do you know when you are congruent?

Here is a simple exercise to identify your internal congruence signal:

IDENTIFYING YOUR CONGRUENCE SIGNAL

Remember a time when you really wanted something…that particular treat, present or experience you really looked forward to. As you think back and associate to that time and event, you can begin to recognize what it feels like to be congruent.

Become familiar with this feeling so that you can use it in the future to know if you're fully congruent about an outcome. Notice how you feel, notice the submodalities of the experience as you think back to it. Can you find some internal feeling, sight or sound that will unmistakably define that you are congruent?

Incongruence is mixed messages - an instrument out of tune in orchestra, a splash of color that does not fit into the picture. Mixed internal messages will project an ambiguous message to the other person and result muddled actions and self-sabotage.

When you face a decision and are incongruent about it, this represents invaluable information from your unconscious mind. It is saying that it is not wise to proceed and that it is time to think, to gather more information, to create more choices, or explore other outcomes. The question here is, how do you know when you are incongruent?

Do the following exercise to increase your awareness of your incongruent signal:

IDENTIFYING YOUR INCONGRUENCE SIGNAL

Think back to a time when you had reservations about some plan. You may have felt was a good idea, but something told you it could lead to trouble. Or you could see yourself doing it but still got that uncertain feeling.

As you think about the reservations you had, there will be a certain feeling in part of your body, maybe some particular image or sound that lets you know that you are not fully committed. This is your incongruent signal - make yourself familiar with it. It's a good friend, and it can save you a lot of money.

You may want to check it for several different experiences in which you know you had doubts or reservations. Being able to detect incongruence in yourself will save you from making many mistakes.

Used car salesmen have a poor reputation for congruence. Incongruence also comes out in Freudian slips; someone who extols "state of the ‘ark’ technology" is clearly not truly impressed with the software.

Detecting incongruence in others is essential if you are to deal with them sensitively and effectively. For example, a teacher explaining an idea will ask if the student understands. The student may say, "Yes," but her tone of voice or expression may contradict the words.

In selling, a salesman who does not detect and deal with incongruence and the buyer is unlikely to make a sale, or if he does, he will generate buyer's remorse, and no further business.

The paths that we can take via NLP are many. This newsletter, "the answer" is designed to provide you with an introduction as to which path is best for you. For a one-on-one exploration into the benefits of NLP, contact me directly at 505-821-0157 or via e-mail - answerconcepts@msn.com.

Remember, the best is yet to come!

David Martin
Answer Concepts, S.A.
answerconcepts@msn.com