Our values powerfully affect whether we are congruent about an outcome. Values embody what is important to us and are supported by beliefs. We acquire them, like beliefs, from our experiences and from modeling family and friends.Values are related to our identity, we really care about them; they are the fundamental principles we live by. To act against our values will make us incongruent. Values give us motivation and direction; they are the important places, the capital cities, in our map of the world.
The most lasting influential values are freely chosen and not imposed. They are chosen with awareness of the consequences, and carry many positive feelings.
Yet values are usually unconscious and we seldom explore them in any clear way. To rise in the company you'll need to adopt company values. If these are different to your own this could lead to incongruence. A company may only be employing half a person if the key worker has values that clash with his work.
NLP uses the word criteria to describe those values that are important in a particular context. Criteria are less general and wide-ranging than values. Criteria are the reasons you do something and what you get out of it.
They are usually nominalizations like wealth, success, fun, health, ecstasy, love, learning, etc. Our criteria govern why it we work, we work for, when we marry (if at all), how we make relationships and where we live. They determine the car we drive, the clothes we buy or where we go for a meal out.
Pacing another person's values or criteria will build good rapport. If you pace his body but mismatches values, you are unlikely to get rapport. Pacing other people's values does not mean you have to agree with them, but it shows you respect them.
Make a list of the 10 most important values in your life. You can do this alone or with a friend to help you. You can elicit your answers by asking questions like:
What's important to me?
What truly motivates me?
What has to be truth for me?
Criteria and values must be expressed positively. Avoiding ill health might be a possible value, but it would be better to phrase it as good health. You may find it fairly easy to come up with the values that motivate.
Criteria are likely to be nominalizations, and you need the Meta-Model to untangle them. What do they mean in real, practical terms? The way to find this out is by asking for the evidence that lets you know, the criterion has been met. It may not always be easy to find the answers, but the question to ask is:
How would you know, if you got them?
If one of your criteria is learning, what are you going to learn about and how will you do it? What are the possibilities? And how will you know when you have learned something? A feeling? The ability to do something that you have not been able to do?
The specific questions are very valuable. Criteria tend to disappear in a smokescreen when they come into contact with the real world.
When you have found out what these criteria really mean to you, you can ask whether they are realistic. If by success you mean a five figure salary, a Ferrari, a town house, a country cottage and a high-powered job in the City all before your next birthday, you may well be disappointed.
It has been said that disappointment requires adequate planning. To be really disappointed, you must have fantasized a great length about what you want to happen.
Criteria are vague and can be interpreted very differently by other people. Let's look at an example of a couple.
For the woman, confidence may mean that she has actually done some task successfully. It’s simply descriptive and not a highly valued criterion.
For the man, confidence may mean the feeling that he can do a task if he puts his mind to it. Feeling competent in this way gives him self-esteem, and that is highly valued.
If she calls him incompetent, he could get very upset - until he understands what she actually means. How different people see the criterion of male and female attractiveness is the force that makes the world go round.
The study of values and criterion will play a major role in your personal ability to move mountains. Stay the course; your pursuit of excellence is not only once a year, it’s everyday.
The Best is yet to come!
David Martin
Answer Concepts, S.A.
answerconcepts@msn.com
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